Uncoupled.......


            It was Nov,10th 2015 a year ago today although oddly it seems like a lifetime ago. I got to where I am today because of these choices I made this day. It was raining that morning, thankfully the rain held off just enough for me to ride my bike down to the spot where I set and watch trains roll through the city. Now it had began to rain again as I took shelter under the overhang of the parking deck trying to stay warm with damp pants from the ride down and only a Thermos of hot coffee and some saltine crackers for breakfast. Could it have been worse? I guess it could, but to me it seemed like the end of the world and it was it was an end to the world I knew, one I created based upon false hopes and dreams. For about a year and a half I called myself trying everything I could to try and make this lady I fell in love with love me back but to no avail. I should have known it when she said we would be done as soon as the friend, her man, the one she loved came home. But I prayed, hoped, and gave it all I could, but today was the day he was coming home. The Sunday before I had been ragged if I can use that term by some of the members of the church I had been attending for 15 years over my love of trains and then I went out to her house where she proceeded to let me know that was the last day and she might bring him to church and introduce him to me. Now as I set in the rain looking over my coffee mug I realized I really had given it my all. I was down to four gears on a 23 speed bike, I had a cell phone that only was good for time and only because that half of the screen worked it had no service due to me losing service for letting it go. Basically I was faced with the brutal reality of the situation. Did I keep on trying to make it work with the friend still in the picture? Did I set back and let her introduce him to me and stay at a church where I was just tolerated or did I just in my terms cut the coupler and leave it all behind and begin new? Now I never had been one to say I was even remotely good at dating, honestly it took me 5 years just to ask this one for her number and a year just to get the courage up to call and talk to her. Now what could I do? It seemed all of  the things my friends and family was trying to tell me had came true, all I was good for was to be used by her and when she didn't need or want me any more I would be gone. I couldn't see it due to be blinded by being in love with her. As I sat there I greeted the city employees as they came into work as I always did I put on my happy face even though I was ripped apart inside. I figured the best thing was to just cut it all loose and start over. As I sat there mulling over the choice Q299 called the signal at AY I sat out of the rain for a little while till I saw the headlights of the lead locomotive round the corner, I forced myself to get the camera and take the picture not knowing how I would even survive to edit it.
The Q299
  As he passed I began to think of how I would begin over. I thought about going to my former bosses church but I really didn't like him or the church. I remembered the pastor who used to pastor the church I was attending and decided I would message him and see if it was ok to come down to his church. The rain had slacked up and I went onto work, then home where I told my family of the choice I was making. They thought I was being kind of silly, but hey they supported my choice. To make a long story short I went the following Sunday to my new church and was greeted with love, that is when I knew I might have a shot at making it. I made it through that week, that month and into this year I made small steps into going back into the life I seemed to know before the lonely life of being me. I remember things began to change for the better in January as I walked to my church in the cold I came upon Bo and Pam and found out a KCS Southern Belle would be Leading K646 and it was just around the corner. Hey this was my first Belle I had ever seen personally I couldn't pass this up at all.
The Belle
Well this year seemed to go by pretty fast, Winter turned into Spring when I acquired Railfan1 (my van) And also subsequently had my first accident a month later. As this day had approached I looked back over the year and saw where I had came from. This year I  have had some great trips, met some awesome people and have grown personally, spiritually and as a Railfan/Photographer almost a year later and on the day before it would be exactly one year I stood on the Mill Street bridge under a epic sunrise waiting on nonetheless the Q299 this time it wasn't raining anywhere in my life it seemed the storm I had feared the most had passed and with minimal damage.
An old friend, the Q299 Rolls West
  As the train passed under me, and greeted with with a friendly wave from the crew I seemed to bask in the moment surrounded by the smell of diesel exhaust a beautiful sunrise and a warm cup of coffee. In that moment I knew I had made it, I had made the right choice even though it hurt me and I was scared to death of the future,I had made it even when I thought I couldn't. Today can I be honest I miss what I thought I had, I miss the companionship, the good times. Will I ever find the right one I am looking for? Who Knows? Just going to keep doing me and stay blowing out in the wind and maybe I will come upon the very things I am looking for. One thing for sure is I am not planning on going back even though every once in a while I look back sometimes to reminisce, sometimes just to check my progress but all I know is God is still in control Have a blessed evening.

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